Finding Myself

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"Circumstance does not make the man. Circumstance reveals man to himself."
--Emerson

#115 Finding Myself
I sit and wonder,
If maybe I shouldn't be here.
I look at myself,
And wonder if maybe I deserve to die.
I sit and wonder,
If maybe,
Everyone will be better off without me.
Will I truly ever be happy?
Will I ever have love?
Will I ever love?
Then I look at little Drew,
And I see the innocence and trust.
I know that there is always some kind of love for me.
Such a tiny baby,
When he was born,
Now so long.
I know he loves me
In the way that only children can love.
I look at his mother,
My best friend,
And I see her love for me.
And I know that she will shed tears for me
Should I leave this world?
I look at my mother,
And wonder
What she would do without me
If I leave before her.
Then I look at Sonya,
And know that she to cares for me.
I know that she would feel the pain,
Like know one else,
Because that is her.
Then I once again look at myself.
I see what I can be,
With a little time and patience.
I know now that I have a bright future.
I hope and pray for God's guidance.
I have received it.
I am happy.
I am content.
I am,
Me.
I know that now.
I know that
Sonya will stand next to me,
Making me happy.
Drew will grow
And give me happiness
As he says his first word.
I know that my mother
Will help me through all
The hard ships that are to come.
I know that God and Jesus is next to me,
Whispering words of encouragement
As I walk down my chosen path.
I know that I have truly been blessed.
I have found myself,
Have you?

"If you want to know the past, to know what has caused you, look at yourself in the PRESENT, for that is the past's effect. If you want to know your future, then look at yourself in the PRESENT, for that is the cause of the future."
--Majjhima Nikaya

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment."
--Ralph Marston

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