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#95 The Night Before Samhain
The Night Before Samhain (sow' in)
written by Coby M. Lynd
inspired by an idea provided by B. Grace Boyd
'1992 October 5
'Twas the night before Halloween and all through the house,
Not a creature was living . . . not even a mouse.
The cobwebs were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Samhain soon would be there.
The vampires were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of virgins danced in their heads.
A litch in his kitchen in a tall pointed had,
Had just settled down to brew a plump rat.
When outside my crypt there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my crypt to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
There I saw a young witch wearing only a sash.
The moon on her breast in the dark night's glow,
Gave a luster of evil to all things below.
When what to my hypnotic eyes should appear,
But a miniature cross and I trembled in fear.
With a single leap so lively and quick,
I tried for a moment her slender neck to prick.
More rapid than I her guardians they came,
She cackled and shouted and called them by name . . .
Down children! Down I say! Now my pets to your quest,
I'll deal with this one . . . you destroy the rest.
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
Now dash away! Lash away! Slash away all!
As hunger over came me as a bat I did fly,
I knew it was time for the witch to die!
So up to the housetop her guardians they flew,
Swirling my cloak 'round her . . . I took her there too.
And then in a twinkling I saw on the roof,
A unicorn stomping each tiny hoof.
The litch appeared as I was turning around,
Calling the undead to rise from the ground.
He was dressed in black robes from his head to his foot,
And the undead he summoned in rags filled with worms and soot.
I soon had the witch pinned flat on her back,
She reminded me of a peasant lashed to the rack!
Her eyes how they pleaded, while her veins pumped so merry,
Her cheeks were like roses, her nipples like cherry!
Her drowl little mouth was drawn up in a bow,
And the hair on her head shone white in the moon's glow.
The cross round her neck she held tight in her teeth,
I longed for the blood in the veins beneath!
She stared at my face and I at her belly,
It shook when she laughed, 'You undead are foul smelly.'
She was shapely and flush, a ripe lovely young elf,
And I laughed in spite of myself.
A wink of an eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I was finally to be fed!
She spoke not a word as I went to work . . .
Not yet fulfilled I then turned with a jerk!
A flicker of light through the clouds touched her nose,
To my dismay . . . the sun now rose!
I sprang from my prey . . . to her team she gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the shot from a pistol.
But I heard her exclaim as I dove out of the light,
'Happy Halloween to all . . . and to all a good fright!'
I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I
lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the
heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the
tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as
I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family,
so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my
younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back
home. Bill Cosby
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