Failing Health

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#42 Failing Health
I heard about an older, widowed lady.
This energetic woman loved to dance
but underneath her rapture something shady
had sought the Doctor, such was circumstance.

"It isn't all that serious", she told him,
"but every time I dance with male friends,
if I should snuggle close to one, and hold him,
I break wind as my body twists and bends".

"It's not so bad - they're never ever smelly.
They don't make any noise that you can hear,
but I am so embarrassed. If my belly
is ailing, are there pills to ease my fear?"

The doctor said "I'll give you this prescription.
Two pills each night. Come back in ten more days".
He smiled at her and finished his transcription.
Days later she was back with anguished phrase -

"Doc. what was in those pills? The floor was clearing
last night because the sound was loud as hell!"
He answered "Great! The pills have fixed your hearing.
And now to just regain your sense of smell!"

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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