The Customer

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#32 The Customer
"Good morning! Thanks for calling us!
We're pleased to hear from you!
Your call's important to us
So we've placed you in a queue.

Please find your account number and
Be sure it is correct..
It's twenty digits long and if you
Mis-type, I'll reject.

I'll lead you through the whole routine
Please use your touch type phone.
Press eight and follow with the hash
After you hear the tone.

If you are a new client here..
Press two, ..if old, press three.
Press four in case we've done something
With which you disagree!

You have pressed four, please wait a moment
While I transfer you..
And please enjoy, while we play you
A symphony or two!

Our staff are all too busy now
To talk to such as you
Your call is so important that
We've placed you in a queue."

Time passes and the music lingers
On, and bye and bye..
My cheek and ear go fast asleep,
My wrist gets R.S.I.

But wait! It may be there is hope!
I hear a ringing sound,
At last a human voice is heard
After the runaround!

"Good morning, this is Ladies wear
And may we help somehow?
Complaints?.. Oh! Just hang on a tick
I'll transfer you right now!..."

"Good morning! Thanks for calling us!
We're pleased to hear from you!
Your call's important to us
So we've placed you in a queue."

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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