Getting Old

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#18 Getting Old
I don't remember getting old, .
it should'nt happen yet.
I need to do some other things
that aren't decided yet.
Who said my joints should ache like this?
my eyesight's getting bad,
and when I hit the bedroom,
well, things are looking sad.

I'm fifty three, how can that be?
I'm really not that old.
my body doesn't understand
it won't do what it's told.
I tell it to run round the track
for seven laps or more.
I get to three, it answers me,
you're only getting four.

When I was in my prime you know.
I'd drink ten pints or more,
then rise the very next morning
and off to work I'd roar.
But now I have a glass of wine
and things start looking hazy
my body likes it best in bed
I never was that lazy.

At seventeen the big three O,
was what I used to fear
at twenty four I thought the door
to forty wasn't near.
At forty two the big five O
was looming at the double,
the big six O is next you know,
oh boy! Am I in trouble!

When god invites me for a chat
to find out where I'm going
I'll tell him, well, I don't want hell
there's no one there I'm knowing,
I'll go to heaven if that's OK.
and wait there with my hymn book,
till the missus gets herself up here
to teach the angels to cook.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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