Our New Bed

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#173 Our New Bed
I think it's time, my husband said,
For us to buy a brand new bed.
"I reckon a mattress and base are the go,
So let's go and see just what is on show."

The salesman explained all the coils and the springs,
The size, the covering and all of those things.
"You can try them out now," he most kindly said,
But a showroom just isn't my choice for a bed!

So we timidly lay on just one or two,
Really not sure just what we should do.
Then one seemed OK, and the colours were nice,
"It's a very good bed," was the salesman's advice

So the new bed arrived - gosh, it really looked great!
"Let's go to bed" - I just couldn't wait!
But it stood very high - I could hardly get in,
(Hubby's much taller, so 'twas alright for him!)

It felt a bit hard, but I thought: "We'll adjust -
If you've got a crook back, a firm bed's a must!"
But on waking next morning, I cried out: "Oh, heck!
Please help me, my dear, I can't move my neck!"

He replied: "I can't - my back's far too sore.
I feel like I've spent all night on the floor!"
Now usually we're never too late to our bed,
But next night we watched late TV instead!

A call to the makers, who said: "Give it a go!
You've only had it a few days, you know!
Your bodies will soon adjust to the change -
That mattress you bought is the top of the range!"

Went to the chiro. - "My neck's out of line!"
And even he told me: "My dear, it takes time."
Never knew a new mattress could be such a big deal,
Never knew just how painful a ricked neck can feel!

But as time goes on, I have to admit,
That my body and mattress are starting to fit.
I have no more aches, nor any more pain -
But I wish I had me old one again!

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

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