Not This Time, Moriarty

This is the place to search for a funny poem for that special friend. The best resource for quotes and funny poetry.

#172 Not This Time, Moriarty
Dr. Watson got a call,
Anonymous, of course,
He couldn't recognize it,
But it was mean, and hoarse.

It said, "Go check the dumpster
Down where they park the trains,
And take along a body bag
For Sherlock Holmes' remains.

We just fed him a dinner
Well-laced with cyanide.
It must have disagreed with him.
The poor chap up and died."

Well, Watson reached the dumpster,
But found, to his surprise,
Sherlock sitting on the rim,
Balanced on his thighs,

Pants around his ankles,
Bare bum on the inside,
And on his face a smile of comfort
And of quiet pride.

"I knew," he said, "That they'd depend
On poison I'd been fed.
They dumped me in the dumpster
And left me here for dead.

But years ago I learned to carry
Fast cathartic foams."
"Amazing!" gloated Watson.
"Alimentary," pooh-poohed Holmes.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

Home - Funny Quotes
Link to this page

Free Poetry Contest Poetry.com will award over 1,200 awards and prizes totaling over $100,000 to amateur poets in the coming months. All contestants are eligible for both of our contests. Join Now!

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

Paste this code into the HTML of your page:
<a href="http://www.lovethepoem.com/funnypoems">Free funny poems</a>
All funny poems are welcome to the LoveThePoem.Com contest! All amateur poets are encouraged to send their work - twisted short, funny for kids, valentine, animal, stupid, really funny, spring, sport , long, adult, teacher, child