It's Time

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#171 It's Time
I'm thirty six and single
Children? not a one
"Half your luck"...I hear you say,
"I'll bet you're having fun!"

But others on the contrary
are often quick to say
"You better do it soon
your biological clock ticks away"

You see, not many of you know
I'd love to be a mum
I have the sense of humour
To make a real good one

And I've tried to find a partner
a soul mate, lover, friend
one who'll accept me as I am
and be there till the end

But to this day I'm yet to find
the one who's meant to be
I used to run away from them
now they run away from me

So I've decided now to change my course
forget my heart, go with my head
instead of looking for Mr Right
I'll seek a sperm donor instead


It's not important how he looks
Nor personality, it seems
Nor what's in-between his ears
But what's inside his genes (G.E.N.E.S.)

It really makes a lot of sense
and saves a lot of time
Instead of all that dating stuff
I'll just have them stand in line

They'll tell me all about themselves
and why I should choose them
I'll ask about diseases, inflictions
then when I'm at the end

I'll call the chosen one to me
and present him with a cup
some playboy mags, a porn movie
then when his time is up

I'll thank him for his contribution
send him on his way
Put the cup into the freezer
until the appropriate day

Then with the cup and what came in it
I'll set about the task
Of doing what usually comes naturally
"How?"...well you may ask

Of course I'll need a friend to help
As I stand there on my head
I know I can't stay there too long
or my face will go all red

They say you can tell just when it happens
Somehow your body knows
You'll feel the tadpole reach the egg
and your body starts to glow

That's when I'll know that I'm a mum
well, will be, nine months away
As my life makes room for a little one
and more lessons along the way

So maybe you can help me
now you know about my plan
of having a relationship
with the sperm, but not the man

You might have a brother, friend or mate
Who my offer might take up
Who doesn't want responsibility
and who can fill a cup

Or fellas if you're interested
to help me with my plight
Take a number, stand in line
I'll take bookings...here ....tonight

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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