For all the girls!

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#17 For all the girls!
When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
To wear a belted dress.

But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.

Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.

And how about those pantyhose-
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knees?

I need to wear these glasses
As the prints were getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.

Though my hair has turned to grey
And my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
Just the outside's changed a bit.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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