Beauty & The Beast

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#165 Beauty & The Beast
I've got a little problem and I know I'm not alone
As I travel around the mayhem of the beauty revival zone.
No it's not the wrinkles that crinkle around my eyes,
Or grey hairs, for I have an assortment of cream and dyes.
But there is another area & I feel I should confess,
That god has been very unkind to me
-and made my life a hair removing process.

Companies are making a fortune, us girls have been handing out tips,
That's how we got the razors with the moisturising strips.
Use them on our legs, and in our underarm groove,
Tops of our feet and two big toes until were nice and smooth.

There's delapitory cream for the bikini line,because it doesn't leave a rash
Like if you happen shave if you happen to be in a rush.
My fellow said to me one day when the sun did shine,
"Lets go to the beach my love, while the weather is so grand and devine".
Well I went into a dilemma, for I knew I'd be a disgrace,
With my wretched flaming bikini line, growing all over the place.

So a friend lent me an epilady, it's sorta like a small whipper snipper,
Rips those hairs right out of their socket,
Feels like getting something caught in a zipper.
Tweezers come in handy around my eyebrows and chin,
My nipples and my nostrils but I tell you I can't win.
I'm O.K. for a day or two, three if the moon is in the right place,
Then I turn into a werewolf, with whiskers all over my face.
Some say try waxing, six weeks without any cares,
But no one ever tells you about all those ingrown hairs.

Oh I wish I was living in Europe, they say it's all the fashion over there, They say it's very sexy, to be covered all over with hair-
Or perhaps to be born a fair maiden, all made up of peaches and cream,
One of those nice little ladies, that doesn't have hair where it shouldn't be seen.
But really I should stop complaining, for I have other assets to make it all fair,
Well sort of- There all covered with bloody hair.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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