Foetal Frolics

This is the place to search for a funny poem for that special friend. The best resource for quotes and funny poetry.

#160 Foetal Frolics
I wish I was a foetus
I never would be bored
Sitting in my uterus
Swinging on my cord.

To worry obstetricians
I'd be a proper beast
I'd change position on the hour
Transverse, oblique then breech.

To student midwives I'd present
A mystifying case
I'd hide myself inside the os
And leave an empty space.

I'd tie my cord into a knot
And wave it through the cervix
I'd give the midwives such a shock
And laugh off all my vernix.

And when my membranes rupture
I'd be a right old pest
Presenting large diameters
I'd transversely arrest.

I'd tell my pal placenta
To get himself detached
To theatre then the lot of us
Would pronto be dispatched.

And when they start to caesar
I'd laugh and think "Tee hee!'
When no-one else is looking
I'll come vaginally.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

Home - Funny Quotes
Link to this page

Free Poetry Contest Poetry.com will award over 1,200 awards and prizes totaling over $100,000 to amateur poets in the coming months. All contestants are eligible for both of our contests. Join Now!

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

Paste this code into the HTML of your page:
<a href="http://www.lovethepoem.com/funnypoems">Free funny poems</a>
All funny poems are welcome to the LoveThePoem.Com contest! All amateur poets are encouraged to send their work - twisted short, funny for kids, valentine, animal, stupid, really funny, spring, sport , long, adult, teacher, child