Early Morning Jog

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#16 Early Morning Jog
Each morning I go jogging thinking, "I'm as fit as in the past",
But the lungs aren't what they used to be, my esophagus is tighter than my arse.
So with every breath I strain and suck, and there's a pounding in my brain
Imagine what it's like to struggle to keep up with a granny and her
zimmer-frame.

The legs are getting weaker with every step I take,
And I push myself to the limits to keep the old lady in my wake.
I've really turned it on, "my God I've really pulled away!
There's no way that she'll catch me now", it's really made my day.

Clippety-clop! Clippety-clop! "Hey sonny", she's on my back again!
That crusty old lady, and now two friends, and of course their zimmer-frames
"Oh shit! They're at my shoulder", and they thought that they'd go passed
But then I coat hangered everyone of them, I could cause they weren't that fast.

So now my jogging's over and I start the long walk home,
But no bad deed goes unpunished, especially if you're walking home alone.
And those dear old crusty biddies, they ambushed me in the street,
And stuck those zimmer frames ... well now I can't go jog for weeks.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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