I Want A Pet

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#150 I Want A Pet

Mummy I've decided,
I want to have a pet,
Jessica at schools got one,
The cuddliest I've met.
I dinnae want a guinea pig like her,
a hamster or a cat.
I want a bonnier fluffy thing
To nussle in my lap
Its gotta be so cute
And be there for me to play
We'll run and chase and laugh
Together,
Every single day.


Im sorry but a pet,
Well it really is'nae on
They're expensive to look after
And who'd care for it when you'd gone


But mum, the butcher
He said they were going cheap
He said to me he's got four commin in,
Around Wednesday, next week.
I cannae walk past his window
On ma way to school
And see them hanging lifeless
That butcher he's so cruel.


Well you cannae have four cows
You need a field not a house
And four pigs are out of the question
So's four ducks or even grouse


Is not any of those things
I dinnea care if they die
I dinnea fancy stroking a cow
Or cleaning out a sty
I want a little haggis
With three legs, feather and fur
I want tay tickle it under the chin
And listen to it purr


A little haggis, you say
Im sorry but whit a laugh
You cannae own a haggis we girl
Dinnae be so daft
For haggis are a wild beast,
Way big teeth and a temper
It'd bite of your hand and arm
Every time you'd go near tay pet her.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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