Down At The Club

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#145 Down At The Club
They had this turn on at the Club last night,
So I thought I'd take a stroll,
I just fancied a pint, a chat and a laugh,
At my favourite watering hole.

Well, a comedian was booked,
So we got a surprise,
When out walks this strange green lad,
With popping-out eyes.
The lad said not a word,
Some started to heckle;
He didn't retort,
But his skin turned all speckled...
Someone bought him a pint,
The lad promptly turned blue,
Syd said, "Very bloody clever,
But what else can you do ?"

The lad's eyes swivelled to Syd,
And he turned black as coal,
Shot out this ribbon-like tongue,
And swallowed Syd whole.
Now, Syd was a good bloke,
The crowd turned on the lad,
So he swallowed some more,
And I thought, 'this looks bad'

I asked the secretary, "who did you book,
He's not going down well,
But the members are, look !"

He said, "It's like a bad dream,
It's the worst thing I've ever seen",
He said.

"I asked for a comedian,
But I think they can't have heard me an'
They've sent a chameleon
Instead"

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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