A Spider In The Sink

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#135 A Spider In The Sink
There's a spider in the sink and he needs a little drink
'Cos he's tired of spinning cobwebs all the day.
And his wife has asked her mother
Round for tea and that's another
Thing that makes a little spider think life grey.

So if you ever see a spider drinking gin and apple cider,
Then it may be him I saw at break of day.
If he's lying topsy-turvy
And his web's all crazed and curvey
Then he's pissed, but that's the way it is, I'd say.

Eight legs he cannot steer when he's drunk, that's not so queer,
Pick him up and put him out in the back yard.
But if he's seeing double
With ten eyes, then he's got trouble.
Twenty views to keep a hold on's pretty hard.

Treat him nice and kindly, do not squash him blindly,
A spider's nice and furry if you look.
Pat him, pet him, feed him flies,
All according to his size.
What you give is rather less than what HE took.

Just to end this little ditty with a line that's rather pretty,
I would like to give this final little thought:
If you were a male spider,
After sex you'd be inside her.

(Just digest this information, here's the rub.
As a man you won't get eaten,
But a spider he is meat an'
On the menu at this venue he is grub,)

So be chaste and act the way that you've been taught!

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

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