The Night After Christmas

This is the place to search for a funny poem for that special friend. The best resource for quotes and funny poetry.

#105 The Night After Christmas
THE NIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS
by Arnold Krueger

'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the area
Not a creature was stirring, not even the terrier.
The toys were all scattered in great disarray
Right where the kids left them, never put things away.
To I in my P.J.'s and my wife in her gown
The bed felt so good as we both settled down.
Then down in the playroom there arose such a din
That I sprang from my bed, and on the chair cracked my shin.
My wife followed me out and we ran down the stair
And into the playroom. What a sight we saw there!
The toy soldiers had gone crazy and started a war.
They had even dug foxholes into the floor.
I dodged a stray missile and then, won't you know,
The remote-controlled tank ran right over my toe!
I let out a yell and jumped straight in the air
While my poor frightened wife hid behind the big chair.
A model B-52 bomber circled the room
Its jet engines screaming of impending doom.
It unleashed its deadly cargo upon the fierce battle
And the explosion that followed....
Why it made the neighborhood rattle!
I had to do something and I had to do it fast.
If there were another air strike our house wouldn't last.
The place was a mess! All strewn with rubble.
Who would have imagined that toys could cause so much trouble.
Then I spied the kids' Christmas list and saw what did this trick
They hadn't sent it to Santa! No! They addressed it to Old Nick
Alas and alack! This wasn't my day.
On top of all else, now I've the devil to pay.
But what could I do! I was gripped by this terror!
Then down near the bottom I saw the spelling error.
It was a long shot, but it was my only hope.
If this didn't work I'd look like a dope.
I jumped on the Air Dyne and peddled a good pace
And gradually everything returned to its place.
I breathed a sigh of relief and said, Thanks, to the tyke
Who had mistakenly written, Bring Dad an exorcize bike.

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

Home - Funny Quotes
Link to this page

Free Poetry Contest Poetry.com will award over 1,200 awards and prizes totaling over $100,000 to amateur poets in the coming months. All contestants are eligible for both of our contests. Join Now!

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

Paste this code into the HTML of your page:
<a href="http://www.lovethepoem.com/funnypoems">Free funny poems</a>
All funny poems are welcome to the LoveThePoem.Com contest! All amateur poets are encouraged to send their work - twisted short, funny for kids, valentine, animal, stupid, really funny, spring, sport , long, adult, teacher, child