The Mule

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#101 The Mule
I want to tell you about our friend, I know he's touched in the head, all he ever talks about is this mule he keeps in the shed.
Now I know a little about old mules, and they like to be outside,
The only time he lets it out, is when he's in the mood to ride.

The way he raves about that old mule, why it's a dadburn sight,
He talks about getting it out, and riding thru the woods at night.
I said man you gotta be nuts riding where you can't see
He said OH NO it has a steering wheel, I miss every one of those trees.

So here he is on his old mule with a steering wheel in his hand,
I never knew, but I do now, something's wrong with this good man,
Now his wife just sit there smiling, as he rambled on an on,
I didn't know until right now, this guy is dumb to the bone.

He said my wife goes along when I go riding at night,
She feels safe riding on the back, My mule has good head lights,
I just listened while he talked, to the silly things he said,
Who in the world would ever believe, that a mule has lights in its head.

He kept saying such silly things, my poor ole loony friend,
He even ordered a part by mail, He has to work on the mules rear end;
Now a mule with lights and a steering wheel, that alone is a hoot,
But to work on the mules rear end that’s right in front of the poopy shoot.

I ask his wife if she liked to ride, she said yes especially in the snow
She bragged on that old mule saying There is no place it can't go;
He had talked on for a while, his wife gave him a little pat,
Then she piped up with OH yes dear our mule now has a flat.

They started talking about checking the oil, well, that just made me sick,
Any pea brain aught to know a mule don't have a dip stick;
I said oh now I've had enough, now tell me what's the deal
He said no honest I'm telling the truth, my mule even has four wheels.

I'm thinking, oh my, they have both lost their minds,
I know something about mules, and there just is no such kind.
I said ok I've really had it, I can't take anymore;
come nine O'clock in the morning I'll be knocking on your door.

I was there right on time, Johnny on the spot,
They ask me in said take a seat, the coffee pot's still hot,
we visited like always over a leisurely cup,
Then a smile crossed his face, as slowly he got up.

AS we strolled out to the shed, I'm thinking, boy this is sad,
Then I saw tire tracks in the yard, and I knew that I'd been had;
When he opened up that shed door why I felt like such a fool,
There was a shinny new four wheeler, and on the front it said, THE MULE

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette. Anthony Hopkins

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson

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