Alone

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#210 Alone

close my eyes and my mind begins its journey
Its getting harder and harder to sleep
The minutes go by so slow without you
I am beging to grow weak
My heart beats faster and faster
Each breathe feels like my last one
The noises surround me as i lisen for your voice
But noone is arround me
I am alone once agian
I dont mind it that much though
It just crushes my heart
I still have my mind, wounded body, and lifeless soul
It seems like i will always truly be ALONE
Noone really get me
Even thought they think they do
I have muitable personalities
Who should i be for you
Who would you like to meet today
Ask me question after qestion
You will never recieve the right anwser
I am never right or good enough
Anything i do will never be considered the best for you
I am not smart enough, funny, or cute to you
I am like dirt that rides upon your shoe
As days drift by i wounder
Have i lost myself with you
I ofered to you
A shoulder to cry on
A ear to lisen
A hand to hold
A heart to love
Ater that i have nothing to use
I am worthless to you
All i do is take up air, space, and time for you
I cry but there is no shoulder
I talk but noone is there to lisen
I reach out but there is no hand to hold
And as i lay here alone where is a heart to love me too
I am alone but i hear voices
I see shadows dancing upon the wall
The crazyness has overcome me
It is an everyday thing though
I talk to the voices now
I have played and danced with the shadows
I relize noone is there
But it seems like they are the only ones who care
As i fell faster and faster, noone was there to catch me
So i hit rock bottom and i have been here for a while
It seems so fumilure
Like i have been here and felt this way before
It is the only home to me that i know
I try to excape it but i cannt do it on my own
It is hard for me to ask for help and sometime i dont know how
Then there are the times noone’s help will do
The voices get to loud and the shadows cannt hide because i cannt find you
I never get scared though
They have always been there and will always be in my head
The crayzyness is half way gone now
I start to miss it as i become more alone
I have no home to go home to
I have no better have to complete me
The only thing i have is time and i waste it laying here waiting on you
As everyday goes by i am thankful to be alive
But sadly wanting to be dead
Wanting my heart to quit beating hopeing this is my last breathe
As i close my eyes and breath in deep
FUCK i am still here feeling all this pain inside
That is brought by this cruel and ugly fucking world
I try to be thankful for what i got but it is hard when i have nothing
The crazyness is gone for now but i am still here waiting on you
I dont understand anything in my life
I watch it go by but dont take any of it in
It seem like i will always lose the game
Because i donnt know what games are being play on me
I am just a game to you and i am just your toy
What will happen when i am not here for you to fucking enjoy
I will always have a broken heart its no big thing
I will never become myself agian
I have a made the change
I will not be scared now
I know i have to be myself but i will always be INSANE
Its okay thought i would rather be that way
I would hate to be normal just like everyone else
Yesterday is nothing now i cannt get it back
I begin to think about tomorrow but i become blank
So now i have no choice but to live one day at a time
I care about everything but nothing really matter anymore
My heart has become empty
My mind is still woundering about you
Wanting you to walk threw that door
I cry tear after tear wanting you near me to hold me to love me
I lay here alone
I cry alone
I dream alone
I dont always want to be alone
I want someone, anyone but there is noone around me
So i close my eyes to go to sleep once more
Good night cruel, ugly, and now lonely world
Tomorrow i will be ready for some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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